I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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