i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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