this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
