I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
