her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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