We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize