you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
