Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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