and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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