So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
