Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
