I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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