The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
