Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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