If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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