what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
