You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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