What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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