i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
