maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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