help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think I won the penis lottery.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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