She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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