Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
