I just threw up on my dentist
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
