Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
