The maid of honor just puked.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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