I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
