My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
