If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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