So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize