I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
