Nicole vs. Life
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
