did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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