Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
