just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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