remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
