census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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