Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
