There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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