Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize