just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
