Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
