I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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