I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
