Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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