i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize