Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
