I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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