I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
