Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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