It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
