So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
