alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
