oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
