after a month anything with tits is on the radar
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
