if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The police scanner is talking about you again....
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
