The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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