How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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