He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
