You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
