I'm going to jail i love you
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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