Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
