This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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