eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize