There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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