this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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