I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize