why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
