This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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