can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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