I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
