i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize