I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
