So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
