nut hugger
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
