If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
