I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
