I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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