Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
