I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Pooping to opera.
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