So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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