im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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