If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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